I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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