Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
