When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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