Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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