Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
