I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
