Four minutes until I can fart!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
