Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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