At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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