we have pet lesbian snakes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
