I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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