Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
