I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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