guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize