D3 body, D1 cock
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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