I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
