I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
