I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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