The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
