Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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