There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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