shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
