you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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