Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
