I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
