Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
