There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
