I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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