Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
