As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.