Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
