Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
