watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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