so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
only you would photoshop your dick
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
