you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
