and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
