Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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