uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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