Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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