I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
