i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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