My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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