As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
