wrigley field is MILF paradise
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
