you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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