I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
