do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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