I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
