I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
