u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
