I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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