so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
3 2 1 whiskey
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
