i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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