She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
