I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
