I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
