So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
