whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
