Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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